A Mom’s Perspective: Living With a Child Who Has ARFID

When we talk about Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), it’s often in clinical terms - what it looks like, how it’s treated, or what research says. Weight and numbers play a huge role. But behind every diagnosis is a family actually living through it.

Today, I had the privilege of sitting down with Becca*, a mom of a 10-year-old girl, Sara*, who has ARFID. Becca was kind enough to share her story. The highs, the lows, and the things she’s learned along the way. She wants to share her story with others in hopes that she will reach another family who may be struggling. 

Parent Interview with Becca

Q: What does it feel like, from a mom’s perspective, to have a child with ARFID?

Becca: Honestly, it’s overwhelming. When Sara was little, I thought she was just a “picky eater” and that she’d outgrow it. I never really knew if I should get her help or not.  And it went in waves of “I’m sure she is fine” to “I know she needs help”.  But as she got older, the gap between her and other kids widened. Birthday parties, family dinners, even school lunches. They were supposed to be fun but they were just stressful.

I’ve felt everything from guilt (“What did I do wrong?”) to helplessness (“Why won’t she just eat?”) to frustration when people say things like “She’ll eat when she’s hungry”. She was a healthy little kid. I had breast fed her AND done baby led weaning. I felt like I had done everything right but still failed. It’s not that simple. Watching your child panic at the sight of food is heartbreaking.

Q: What have you done to cope?

Becca: I’ve had to learn to take the pressure off both of us. Early on, I made every meal a battle. It just wore us down. Now, I focus on creating a calm mealtime environment and celebrating small wins.

I also found parent coaching really helpful. It gave me tools to manage my own reactions. For example, instead of pushing Sara to take a bite, I’ve learned to support her at her pace. And I try to keep perspective: food is important, yes, but so is our relationship.

Q: What is the biggest struggle?

Becca: Social situations. Hands down. It’s hard when Sara gets invited to a party and I know she won’t touch anything there. It makes me anxious and she feels that.  She feels different, and as her mom, I feel that weight too. I don’t want her to be left out, but I also don’t want her anxiety around food to overshadow all the fun things.

Another big struggle is judgment from others. People just don’t understand ARFID. They think I’m enabling her, or that I just haven’t “tried hard enough.” That hurts. Because the truth is, I’ve tried everything.  But honestly, that has gotten better over time.

Q: What has been the most helpful for you?

Becca: Finding other parents who understand. Just knowing I’m not alone has been huge. When you’re dealing with ARFID, it can feel isolating. Even her dad and I would fight about it. Connecting with other families reminds me that this is real, and that there’s hope.

Also, working with professionals who “get it” has made a world of difference. Our therapist didn’t just give us strategies for food; she gave us strategies for family life. That helped with a shift.

I have also learned to let go of the pressure that every day has to be a food victory. Some days are hard, but I’ve learned to see progress in baby steps.  

Final Thoughts from a Feeding Expert

Becca’s story is a powerful reminder that ARFID isn’t just about food, it’s about all the things surrounding food that make ARFID so challenging.

If you’re a parent walking a similar path, I hope her words bring you comfort. You are not alone, and small baby steps matter. To read more experiences straight from parents and individuals experiencing feeding challenges, check out our book, ARFID - Lived Experiences.

If Becca’s story resonates with you, I invite you to connect with me at Food For Thought Therapy. Supporting families like yours is my passion, and together, we can find a way forward.

Find us on Facebook  and Instagram to learn more about Food for Thought Therapy and for speech, language, and feeding tips and tricks.

*The names in this post have been changed to protect the individual’s privacy.